Thought Box.

My eyes were set only to look at you so I could be there any time at your side whenever I’m needed. Whenever I see you in danger or under any threat, my automatic response is to just stretch my arms to protect you. You have always been my delicate one.

but..

Some things have changed. Some things were set to change. Some things meant to change…and that includes me, you, and the spider’s web we were in. I have learned to let go of you and decided to look at you grow from a distance. I thought it’s going to be alright but it became harder and harder for me through the years. I wonder if it were hard for you, too. We were used to doing the same things together, enjoy the same things together, and loved each other’s individual preferences. We were best of friends. Inseparable, as some people say. Yeah, we were the kind of friends who see each other almost every single day—the kind who call and text just to update each other with the things around us. We were that kind of friends. We were…until we became friends who see each other occasionally—only during highschool meetups, birthday parties, etc. What went wrong? Well, both of us chose to separate at some crossroad.

The crossroad—-guess we’re here again. This time, I think we’ll be starting to hang out more often….maybe even like what it used to be. You shared little secrets to me which I thought were painful..I felt guilty of not being there for you when all those things happened in your life….but on the other hand, I’m glad to know you survived every bit of it. I am glad to have seen you grow. I have realized too that I should be exerting a little bit more effort to keep this friendship alive. So I’ve decided to only look at you and no one else. Why? For among all the people I’ve known, you were the one (if not few) who stood by me amidst everything. Thanks..

and hello….

it’s nice to meet you once again.

When was the last time that your prayers and simple hopes have been answered? Was it too long ago that you might have already forgotten about it? Was it too recent that you can’t help but shout it out to the world? Whichever suits you, still the bottom line is, God hears us and takes His own time to answer our prayers.

In my Christian walk, I always hold on to the Lord’s promises of giving me my heart’s desires when I delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4). Delighting myself in Him also involves seeking Him and His righteousness all the time (Matthew 6:33).  God loves me. I am very assured of that. Sometimes, we humans think that we are too unlovable to be loved by the Lord too deeply and strongly. It is because we have been blinded by our sins that we sometimes think that we cannot be forgiven and we cannot be loved. It is because we have been rejected and neglected by some of the people around us that we can’t believe that there’s this somebody who loves us very much!

Every single day that I wake up, I would always greet the day with a simple prayer to the Lord, thanking Him for embracing me with his unfathomable love and grace. I’m always glad to know that there’s this somebody, a supreme being, who is deeply in-love with me! Well, maybe many of you might think that my life is nearly perfect that’s why I am this joyful. Honestly, I am just like everyone else. I have a job and all these other little jobs on the side, but I still can’t make the ends meet. I have decided to quit school because my parents can’t support me financially as of the moment. I needed to work for my family. I have to at least help out in paying the bills and buy groceries.  I almost became a bummer, but Hallelujah, I was given an opportunity to work and all these little job opportunities on the side just as when I decided to step out from schooling. It’s an enough proof to say that I am in the Lord’s hands that’s why I am enjoying His favor. My life is not perfect yet I am joyful. It’s because of these little glitches in life that I learned to trust in the Lord.

Yesterday, I was out with Granny because she needed to see her doctor for a follow-up check up. It was a gloomy day just like today so I told Gran we’ll be hitting the road with a taxi for we might get soaking wet with rain when we arrive at the doctor’s clinic. So we did got a taxi and just as I have guessed, the raindrops fell when we were halfway there. When we arrived at the doctor’s clinic, we were surprised to see the place fully-packed with patients. They have this first-come-first-served system so we’re like the 10th in the list. I was actually worried that Gran will start to complain about sitting there long, alas they turned the TV on and that somehow solved the problem. I forgot to bring a book to read or my notebook to pass out the boredom, so thank God there’s an internet shop just beside the doctor’s clinic. I stayed there for an hour, finished my coke and junk food snacks, and read three magazines, still Gran’s not served yet. She’s the second-to-the-last on the list, so I was very very bored already. We watched a movie at HBO, finished two movies actually, then finally……..it’s Gran’s turn. When we went inside the room, I realized that the rain’s pouring really hard. When the check-up was over, Gran began to worry on how we’re going to go home. Thirty minute’s passed, still, we can’t get a taxi. Gran really wanted to go home so I told her if it’s okay for her to get a little bit wet until we reach that place where we can get a jeep bound towards home. So we walked about two blocks from the clinic under an umbrella that just fits us. No sign of an empty taxi. When we reached to the street where we can take a jeepney ride bound home, we noticed that every jeepney’s filled with people. The streets are also fully-packed. So I told Gran that we should just eat dinner somewhere and wait until the rain stops. We ate dinner at a good restaurant. I had a plateful of shrimps and Gran had her plateful of Chopsuey. The dinner’s great! Thanks for the rain, Lord! After dinner, we walked a little more and joined the crowd of people waiting for jeepneys and taxis, I prayed to ask God’s favor to come upon us. In just a few seconds, a Chevy taxi came, with a driver nodding his head inviting us to come inside. The funny part is, the car’s radio’s tuned in DXFE, a Christian radio station. I gave another short prayer, thanking the Lord for His favor.

The Lord’s favor is always with us every moment of the day. If the Lord gives us something, great or small, we should have a happy and willing heart to receive His grace. Some of us always look at our dirty and sinful selves first before accepting anything from the Lord, and it is because of this that we tend to turn away from His grace. Always remember that the Lord has shown His grace and goodness to us even we’re sinners. He doesn’t look at what we are and what we have done, because his gifts are gifts, not bribes. His favor is always there. We just have to be ready to receive it. We just have to be sensitive enough to be able to recognize it. Enjoy God’s favor that you receive today.

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. James 1:17

So, today’s the beginning of this ladybug’s crawling in this blog. I wish to write more posts in here inasmuch as I wish to have more time to drop by at this blog.

What do I have today? Well, here’s one thing, I am currently updating the blogs of my friends and my own blogs. It has been months since I have done it, so I am quite happy for having to do this today. I will have to ex-out it on my “things to do” list.

Later, I will make another bookmark design for DabawNoy, a group I recently joined to support Noynoy Aquino’s campaign for presidency. Last night, I was told by Riro Lopez that Sir Robby asked him to give me an admin access in our facebook account. I don’t know what to do with it yet, maybe when new ideas come or some things come I will be able to know what do with it. Lolz. I’m busy, yes I am. Tomorrow, there will be a Youth committee meeting with Sir Robby and the other elders for our proposed activity on the 22nd of November. I really hope that this will go well and I certainly hope that Noynoy will become the next president of this country.

Lola is scheduled to meet her surgeon later at 2:30pm. I hope to hear good news from his doctor.

I will be absent from work today because I need to go with lola.

The worst emotional experience—ever—made me the pre-cautious paranoid that I am today. It’s better to be aware than to assume that everything’s going out well. Yes, things aren’t going well these days so I’d better be moving or else I might encounter the same crisis again. No…not anymore.  It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s because I don’t and can’t trust myself with this. So, I’m sorry in advance.

For two consecutive years, I have crashed and burned on a September. It’s only on a September that I feel I am on top of the world and then again something or somebody blows it away. Nothing beats the feeling of being stepped on like crap for the nth time around. Then again, I have to remind myself that I am responsible to my own thought processes and that I don’t have the right or anything else to blame things, events, and people for my own misery. There… I am again swallowing my own miseries. There….I am again reminding myself that I have built myself into someone pathetic enough to call herself pathetic. There…I am again smashing myself with the “NONSENSE PADDLE” that I often use to hurt myself.
I hate Septembers simply because I can.

I thought I would have to forget the past events 365 days later and move on. But here I am, re-living the past events myself– only with a different package. Maybe, hurtful things go through the process of evolution too. I just can’t wait for next year’s September.

’tis the first time I have watched the sun rise having that feeling. It was surreal yet it felt good. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be taken away just yet because I was given the chance to experience it again…for one more day. It felt good. It was memorable.

Yeah. Slow down. ‘Tis what I said from the very beginning of this looping rollercoaster ride. Hay.. It hurts to think that I am not getting there. I wish I could, but reality popped my bubble of imaginings and stopped me before it can ever happen. So it won’t happen. I’d like to take a peek at the greener side of the fence and see if there’s any possible hole in my every illusion. It’s exciting, but I am so chicken to act. I can’t dare myself to gamble. I don’t want to lose, not again, and not this time.

So let me remember those blissful moments.. Let me remember those not-so-good and crappy times together. and uhmm.. Don’t mind my nerve, you can call it fiction. I wish I can call yours a “fiction” too. . Let me leave you with happy memories. Memories that are light and fluffy. Memories that doesn’t fail to make me smile every time I think about them. It’s a sad ending, but I am choosing this path for I can’t dare to risk another you again. I’m playing the piano for you. Watch out for my recital.

Running away and walking out are some of my defense mechanisms. I don’t feel comfortable in facing things that are unexpected and hurtful. I don’t want to be hurt, and I refuse to be hurt. I only want to leave the “bad” things behind and let them untangle themselves from the knot they’ve got into. I want the future events to lead me out from the bad situation that I am in for I don’t want to fix it myself. I don’t want to follow other people’s way either for this is where I am comfortable. Yes. As much as possible, I want to stick in my own comfort zone. I don’t care if others will hate me because of my childish ways. I really just don’t care.

Right now, I am running away from something again. . and I am glad I have found myself a place to go. At least, I will be saving myself from stress, pressure, and insanity. Sometimes people just don’t understand. Sometimes people aren’t patient enough. Sometimes, your past good deeds will not matter to people at all just because you’ve done one tiny thing. Yes, LIFE IS UNFAIR and I must accept that fact.

So.. I am running away.

I don’t know when I will be back. I can’t see myself being back here. . the weird part is, I can see myself happy and contented even if I will not be coming back.

I will run away in as far as I can. No one’s going to stop me.

For wanting to add a little bit of color and sunshine to this blog, I am posting a number of videos done by some celebs at Youtube[dot]com featuring one of my favorite songs, “Im Yours”. Jason Mraz’s definitely proven that he’s not a one-hit wonder.. Here’s a list of his songs that I really love.

1. The Remedy
2. You and I (both)
3. Wordplay
4. Geek in the Pink
5. Summer Breeze
6. Did I Fool Yah
7. Lucky (feat Colby Caillat)
8. Who will Save your Soul (feat Jewel)
9. Melt With You
10. Beautiful Mess
11. and of course… I’m Yours.

Here are the best covers I’ve found in Youtube. Enjoy!:)

Tomorrow, it will be Dad’s first week here in Davao. I simply don’t like to entertain questions pertaining to Dad’s next flight back there in Dubai. I (we) missed him terribly and I (we) don’t want him to be back there soon. Plus, I don’t like questions—makes me feel that my personal space and thoughts are illegally crossed. So I will be providing answers to the FAQs about Dad..

1. When did he arrive? - He arrived last January 3, Saturday. Via SilkAir. He was on a connecting flight.. Dubai-Singapore-Cebu-Davao.

2. Did any of his physical features change after two years? - Honestly, we thought he’d be bald and super dark-skinned when he arrives. Surprisingly, it was the exact opposite.

3. Did he bring something for everyone? - Yeah. Actually he did but the relatives got hold of all the chocolates and almost everything first before me and my siblings. So.. we’re just thankful that Dad has envisioned that already and saved something for us in another bag that has a lock code in it. We still got our chocolates, clothes, gadgets, perfumes, etc. ^^ More will be coming on March when the balikbayan box arrives.

4. Does he have plans to go back to Dubai? - I think he still has. But, it’s still up to the Lord if he’ll allow it. But as of now, we want him to stay here for a while.

5. Will your Mom go to Dubai with your Dad on the next trip? I don’t know but my siblings and I want her to go with Dad.

Dad’s already here and we’re kind of trying to pimp up the house. Dad’s a handyman so he’s trying to fix the things that my brothers took for granted all this time. We’re back to having dinner together as a family. We’re back to having Dad to drive us for work and school. We’re back to having to listen to all the do’s and don’ts. We’re back to having to listen to Mom and Dad’s lesson to learn and think about for the rest of the day. We’re back to move as one unit together. All in all, we’re back to normal. What we’re experiencing now is our normal thing.

Mom complains about us and Dad only listens. When we need some little “Let’s talk about it” thing, Dad speaks. Dad fixes the things around the house or the computer. Mom pushes us to work and study harder. Dad pushes us to save money, prepare for the future, and spend lesser time being out with friends. Because Dad believes that not all friends stay by your side when difficulty comes your way. He tells us to choose our friends wisely and stick with the true ones. So this is our normal thing.

Have I mentioned that I have a Dad who speaks like the Dad they have in the TV Series 7th heaven? Yeah.. he speaks like that. So, it’s like we always have this “youth summer camp” thing at home. Better yet, think about having a Psychologist or a Counselor for a father.

Well.. I just love the fact that he’s around. Nobody can harm us because he’s here to protect. Having him around makes me feel secured and loved. I’m just super glad that Dad’s finally home.